Thursday, February 01, 2007

All Gussied Up

I even had my nails done. A French manicure. And, only gardeners know how mortifying it is to go into a nail place. Gardeners hands are happier than most, though they’re not very pretty.

When gardeners walk into a nail salon, the first thing they say is: that’s gonna cost extra.

But, it's a new year, a new me and I said I wanted to live different. So, I decided to hang up my overalls and comb my hair. Maybe even put on some lipstick.

My resolution was to start dressing and acting like a legitimate member of the female gender. And, hey, guess what. It works! I got a date in no time.

Apparently, putzing around my garden, hours late for a shower, is not the best way to attract a man. (Who knew?)

Could this be the start of beautiful friendship? We ordered a lovely bottle of wine... oysters on the half shell. Then, one oyster later, I’m violently ill and lying on the bathroom floor of the restaurant, mortified, with no idea how to get out of this mess.

Clearly, oysters and I don't get along. But, I have to say, he was a remarkable gent. He even called me the next day to make sure I was alive.

So, my advice, today, for the gardeners of the world, is to wear gloves and have your nails done. It's amazing what a French manicure can do for your social life.

Tip: Try not to throw up on your date.

* French manicures were invented to hide the dirt underneath your fingernails.
** Cucumbers are 90% water. They look great but a damp cloth has the same effect on puffy eyes.

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