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Sunday, May 20, 2007

Guys & Dolls

One of the most confounding aspects of living in Utah is that the people out here think I'm sooo smart. In fact, I've been told many times I'm intimidating because - get this - I have a job and a college education.

I was reminded of this oddity just last night when my 2 favorite yahoos, Dan & Billy, called me from Costa Rica.

They were drinking beers and reminiscing about the Top 10 Stupidest Things Kate Has Ever Said. (That would be me.)

As they're quick to point out, they suffered through the Trivial Pursuit years with me. Since then, they've continually updated this infamous list.

Now they could call me pretty much any time, and save a fortune on the phone bill because they both live in the States. But, their dues are paid in full to that club I call the Mysterious Ways of Men, (meaning they'll call you when they're damn good and ready and not a minute before.)

Like dogs running in a pack, D and B tend to do everything together. They got married at the same time. (Their wives kicked them out at about the same time.) And, this year they've both purchased houses close enough together that they can compete on all sorts of things, including the landscaping. Well, not exactly the landscaping. The women they hope to attract by planting flowers and pretending they're 'sensitive guys.'

I've been 'hired' to draw up plans for their backyards. (If I'm lucky, I'll get a beer and a slice of pizza.)

Since both of them are huge fans of the dumbest game ever invented, I'm filling their gardens with colors that will keep them smiling during the off season, though they probably won't know why.

Dan gets purple and yellow, in honor of his beloved Vikings. Billy gets blue and orange for those slackers, the Denver Broncos.

If you've got a blank canvas of a yard, make your first stop at the local paint store. Stand in front of that wall of paint chips and favorite colors will quickly jump out at you. Once you've discovered your top 2 or 3 colors you'll have a smart game plan for the local nursery.

PS: Single and looking for trouble? Drop me a line and I'll send you pictures. I'd like to marry these guys off before they kill everything that I've planted.