Sunday, April 15, 2007

Uphill Battles

Bevy and I are going on a bike trip. I started my training this weekend.

The fact that I even got on a bike this morning, after yesterday's hellacious ride, is strong testament to the fact I am ready to rekindle an age-old love affair. (Don't get too excited. It's with an inanimate object named Bianchi.

Saturday wasn't half bad. I didn't start swearing out loud until I hit the first high hill. Sunday, on the other hand, was a completely miserable experience though I know it will get better.

While I was flying down the other side of that big hill, I started thinking about the old me. Recalling the days when I loved biking - truly, madly, deeply loved being on my bike. And, how over the years I've allowed too many things to chip away at my confidence and ultimately defeat me.

Sometimes I think I hide in my garden because I'm so damn tired of people passing judgement on me for all the mistakes they're pretty sure I made. You see, maybe those mistakes were intentional. Maybe I needed to walk away from certain things in order to figure out whether I really loved them or not.

If you open the book of my life, I doubt you could start in the middle and really know what's going on. Yet, I think, in a nutshell, that is what most people do to me.

I know getting back into tip top shape will be an uphill battle (pun intended,) but I am thrilled to have become reacquainted with the old me. Because I kind of like that girl. She was a whole lot more fun-loving, and passionate, than the girl I see in the mirror today.

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